So, Tuxie, What's Your Excuse THIS Time?
This is a dialogue
between Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon which *did not* take place,
but *could have* during the *Sailor Stars* series. If you
are unfamiliar with the Sailor Stars plotline, SPOILER WARNING !!
I like *my* version better. Do you think I should dub the Japanese episodes? >:-)
TM= Tuxedo Mask/Tuxedo Kamen/Mamoru/Mamo-chan/Darien
[a ROSE by any other name would smell as sweet, anyway ;-) ]
SM= Sailor Moon/Usagi/Usako/Serena
[Tuxedo Mask materializes. Sailor Moon, in white angel wings, and *nothing else*,looks decidedly *ticked-off.*]
SM: Tuxedo Mask!! It's you AT LAST!! Do you realize how long it's been? How many episodes since you've appeared in my life? So what's your excuse THIS TIME? In case you've forgotten, we're *supposed* to be ENGAGED. You don't call, you don't write, anybody would have thought you had DIED!!
TM: That's right--I DID die! I've only JUST been reincarnated, thanks to you and Chibi-Chibi!
SM: You've died and come back? Now this is a new one. Now COME ON, Mamo-chan--you expect me to believe that one? I KNOW you've really been away because of some other woman!!
TM: Yes, it WAS another woman, but it's not the way you think, Usako.
Her name was Queen Galaxia, and...
SM: I don't care if she was Queen of the Bimbos! And I don't know why I put up with your behaviour!
TM: But you don't understand, Usako. She took my Star Seed!!
SM: She took your Star WHAT???? This is TOO MUCH. Me, you won't give one little kiss, unless you think I'm about to die or something. It's getting so I have to *fake* being in a coma, just so I can get your attention.
But her, Queen Bimbo, to HER you give your Star Seed??
TM: Hey, I didn't wanna do it! She attacked me!!
SM: Yeah, right. Every time I catch you in the act, with some other woman, you always whine "she attacked me." Even with my own daughter, for God's sake. You have NO shame. You think I'm so dumb, just cause I get bad marks in school, that I don't know a girl can't force a guy like that? She attacked YOU? As if!!
TM: I swear to you, Usako, it's the truth. Can't you forgive me? I didn't enjoy it, you know. I NEVER enjoy it. You don't think I LIKE being written out of all these episodes, do you?
SM: Well, such a sharp dressed man, no, I guess you can't help it. Women, men, none of them can keep their hands off you. But where do *I* come in?
You never say anything really nice to me. You just say your little haiku, then you take off. You didn't even notice or comment on the fact that I'm standing here *naked*, nothing on but my little white wings. Sometimes, I don't think you even know I'm alive. I am the most frustrated, neglected woman in this solar system.
TM: I'm really sorry, Usako. Can't I make it up to you?
[The two embrace...Fade Out.]
This Sailor Moon parody was originally posted to the Usenet discussion group, alt.fan.sailor-moon on Saturday, June 14, 1997. It then found a happy home on Jennifer Wand's Tuxedo Mask Shrine web site.
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