|
|
I never felt old
Till she died
I never lost hope
Till she died
I never felt cursed
Till she died
I never needed to be loved
So desperately
Till she died.
I never felt despair
Till she died
I never felt all my dreams die
Till she died
I never felt my confidence
Falter and shake
Till she died
I never felt weird
Like nothing mattered anymore
Till she died.
I never felt
Lost within myself
Like no one would ever, ever understand
Where I had been
Deep inside my soul
A journey of horror and pain
Till she died
I never distrusted
My own feelings
Till she died.
I never wondered
What I was doing with my life
Till she died
I never dreaded the night
Till she died
I never felt so lonely
Till she died
And I never cried out
To anyone would listen
Till she died.
Yet...
I never felt so alive
Till she died
I never tasted
The sun on my back
The wind in my hair
The warm embrace
Of someone who loves me
With such intensity
Till she died.
I never cherished
The people I love so much
Till she died
I never felt
Such compassion for others
Till she died
I never felt my heart ache
In such a deep way
For the pain of strangers
Till she died.
No, I think I never really
Lived at all
Till she died.
But still
I still wish
She had lived.
July 1, 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where the shadows are
I do reside
And none may enter here.
Just flickering shadows
On the wall
Changing shape and hue
The light no longer welcomes me
And I no longer seek it.
Come away from the shadows, they
say
For they are only shadows now.
Come forward
Let the sun shine on your face
Get on with your life.
You do not understand
I sadly say
Does not every shadow
Cling to your footsteps
Following you
Into the brightest sunlight?
Always, always
I bring the shadows with me
There is no escape for me.
Perhaps time will fade the shadows
Perhaps my back will straighten
From their invisible weight
But for now
They walk with me.
So take my hand
Look me full in the eyes
And don't pretend the shadows are not there.
For at your touch
On my shoulder, my hand, your embrace
You glance warm and sincere
Be very sure
For a while
The shadows dim
And lose their suffocating hold on me.
July 31, 1997-------------------------Pandora Diane Waldron
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You left and I
Walked back through
The hallways of time
Growing ever smaller
Ever thinner
In the rear view mirror.
My heart
Smashed and shattered
Into a million brittle shards
Each sweet sharp point
Iridescent gleaming
In the gathering gloom
Each step growing lighter
Softly slipping into darkness.
Now I don't care
And care so much
Now I am timeless
Now I am born again.
Your parting gift to me
Seeing through your eyes
Your blood streams
Through my veins
And nothing is
As it was.
Sometimes
I fly so high
The stars in their spheres
Seem to call my name
And you are there among them.
At last
All the whirling turmoil
Settles fast and deep into
One simple truth
Like the Phoenix
I shall arise from the Flames.
* * *
Pandora Diane Waldron---------------September 30, 1997
Other Poetry -------------Thoughts On The Loss Of A Child: A Collection
-- End --