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~~~~((~~~(@ THE
ROSE GARDEN @))~~~))~~~~
A memoir of Chiba Mamoru,
as re-told to Pandora
Diane Waldron
@))~~~))~~~~
"Mystery glows in the
rose bed, the secret is hidden in the rose." --Farid ud-din
Attar, 12th Century Persian poet. 
CHAPTER 9: My Odango Atama
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A NOTE TO MY
READERS:
The long-awaited Chapter 9
is dedicated to my wonderful friends in the Sailor Moon Net
World, without whose support, encouragement and feedback, I never
would have got this far. Procrastination is an even worse barrier
than writer's block, but these dear friends have helped me
through that. So a special thank you, and dedication to:
Jennifer Wand, Tim Nolan, "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl,
Joanne Edison-Brown, Sue-Mei Cheah, Artemis & Luna of The
Sailor Moon Romance site, Sean Bright, Dion Torraville and Mark
Sprague.
And to everyone else who has written me and brightened my days,
saying how much you've enjoyed The Rose Garden, and begging for
Chapter 9, may I say, I think I was born on the wrong planet,
even if it IS Prince Endymion's world. 24 hours in a day aren't
enough to reply to you all, AND finish work on the fanfic, AND
have a family life. So I muddle through as best I can.
[Sweatdrop!] I hope this was worth waiting for, gang!
Love,
Pandora
@))~~~))~~~~
PREFACE TO THE NINTH
CHAPTER: 
Welcome to my place! Glad you made it here safely through the time portal to the 30th Century. This is my personal, comfy little den in one of the many rooms of the Crystal Palace. The person whose name is listed as my official biographer is sitting here on the couch with me while I re-tell some of my memories [or should I say, set the record straight?], and she's taking notes while I reminisce.
Please don't let that title I
now hold, King Endymion, bother you any. I'm just Chiba Mamoru,
the same guy...just have a very big job now, that's all. Anyway,
there's lots of room here, it's a big couch, O.K.? And Makoto
will be bringing us tea and some of her homemade cookies in a
moment, so I invite you to make yourself at home. Thank you for
saying that about my favourite picture that's on the wall here,
the one that shows the solar system and the planets. Yes, I'm
glad I brought it here from my apartment too.
Usako may wander into the room from time to time to give her perspective on things which are her memories alone, and knowing her, she'll also probably tease me about the way I choose to re-tell things. So please be prepared for the inevitable interruptions ....
@))~~~))~~~~
Ah, the hazards of becoming a celebrity. Usako* and I are very well aware that is now what we have become, whether we like it or not. It's getting so these days, it's very hard just for the two of us to take a quiet stroll with Chibi Usa, without being mobbed by paparazzi, unless, that is, we stay within the palace grounds. Generally, though, we usually do stay within the palace grounds, except for the occasional vacation, far from the madding crowd, which I organize through Sailor Pluto. One way to escape who you are now is to go back to "then." And going back to the past, to a quiet place, is less likely to mess with future time lines.
[*O.K., O.K., I know her official name to the 30th Century world now is "Neo-Queen Serenity," but to me, she will always be my Usako, or just Usa. Oh yeah...when I feel like teasing her, I still call her Odango : P When I do, there are some ferocious pillow fights around here, amongst other things ;-) ]
Now, there are some of you who
probably think that Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion must be
well able to deal with paparazzi or any other kinds of youmas of
that nature.
It is perfectly true that a well-placed steel-tipped rose can
shatter an expensive camera lens very efficiently. It is also
true that a well-aimed tiara can slice tires and slow down
pursuers to a stop. The Holy Grail, one of Sailor Moon's most
powerful weapons, is hardly needed for such petty annoyances as
this. But let me say here, Usako and I don't believe in taking
such aggressive measures to protect ourselves. Not when we have
Haruka as Crystal Tokyo Security Chief. If Usako and I do need to
make an official OR an un-official visit somewhere, we can
certainly leave security in Haruka's capable hands.
Hmmmm. It's just occurred to me that I've called the paparazzi
youmas. I guess that will be the next headline in The Crystal
Tokyo Enquirer tomorrow morning. Michiru will be after my
head tomorrow about that. She keeps telling me, avoid making
public statements like this, that it's her job to be the Palace
public relations spokesperson.
Perhaps she's right. But there are times when I really feel the
need to speak my mind. And this is one of them.
Anyway, what I really wanted to say here, is that I'm about to
discuss the parts of my life that are fairly public knowledge.
And for that reason, some of what I now tell you here may be a
little different than what you've heard. And depending on what
you've read, in some cases, what I relate here may be a LOT
different than what you've heard. If that's the case, I can only
offer my apologies. I'm re-telling what happened, to the best of
my recollection.
A man remembers only what he wants to, they say. And you must
know by now, I've had my memories taken from me, more than once.
So I have become somewhat selective about the recollections I
choose to hold onto, which you may believe, are very precious to
me, in a way not everyone could understand. Also, let's face it,
for some reason, women tend to remember all these little details
of what happened when, better than guys do. For instance, I can't
remember very much about our actual wedding day, though Usako
remembers and treasures every detail. I think I was just so
happy, I was in a daze.
Now, I happen to know that SOME of the stories which have been
written about us are so far from the truth, I don't know whether
to laugh, or to get angry. There are a LOT of stories that you
have probably already heard about us that are inaccurate, let me
tell you. Some of them are not even close to being the truth
about us! Well, Usako and I decided a long time ago, it just
wasn't worth it to try and correct all the misinformation that's
out there. They'll write what they like about us, anyway. The
hazards of celebrity, as I've said.
But certain stories which have been written, I wouldn't even show
Usako. Sometimes my Usako thinks she would like to read something
romantic, and a couple of times, she was very shocked to read
about, errrrr...things.... that she supposedly did, and with whom
she's supposed to have done these ummmm...things. And that's all
I'm going to say about that.
If you've read those things, you'll know exactly what I'm talking
about. Suffice to say, such stories get burned by me before she
ever sees them now. I don't like to see her shocked and upset
like that, reading those things. And you may be very sure that
those kinds of stories are not going to read by Chibi Usa, if I
as her father have anything to say about it. A few servers are
going to go off-line before that happens. Do I make myself clear?
Now don't get me wrong. It's O.K. with me if YOU want to read
those things. Live and let live. But I would like you to know,
they're mostly fiction. And I hope you don't expect us to read
that stuff. If any of it arrives here at the Crystal Palace, it
goes straight into the fire, along with that Dark Kingdom
tabloid, The Crystal Tokyo Enquirer (it's kinda handy
having Rei around when you need a nice, big bonfire).
So, I'm not going to even try to correct all the erroneous
information that's been put out about how Usako and I met, and
how our relationship developed. You can just read on, and make up
your own mind whether you believe me or not.
But one thing I'd like to clear up right now. I did know that
Usako was Sailor Moon, and she did know that I was Tuxedo Kamen,
some time before I was captured by the Dark Kingdom. What we
didn't know, or rather, remember, about each other, to that
point, was that she had been Princess Serenity, and I had been
Prince Endymion, in our former lives. And that revelation was
quite enough for us to deal with, all on its own, just before I
was captured.
You need to know that is the truth, otherwise, you will never
understand why I always call her Usako, and why she always calls
me Mamo-chan. And you certainly will have noticed that is our
pet-names for each other, that no one else in the universe calls
us. [Oh, except that Chibi Usa did get into the habit of calling
me Mamo-chan too for a while there... I guess she spent too much
time with her future mom for it not to rub off on her. But she
calls me Dad, or Poppa, in Crystal Tokyo, and I like that.]
In my first encounters with Sailor Moon as Tuxedo Kamen, I had
the frightening experience of blacking out several times. The
telepathic link between us was, and is, very powerful. It didn't
matter that I didn't know who she was at the time, and it didn't
matter that I didn't understand at first how to use my own
powers. Nevertheless, I was always brought there to her side,
through the irresistible force of her telepathic cry for help,
which I heard, at the subconscious level.
So perhaps you can understand the confusion I was feeling those
first few times, and appreciate that I had to try to function,
just the same. So is it any wonder that I often didn't say that
much, and that often, I left without a word? Sometimes, I don't
even now remember my coming there, OR leaving...those were the
periods of blackout.
I had one thing going for me: my inner voice, which always seemed
to know exactly what to do, and say. I would say this was a
combination of my buried memories of my past, my extra-sensory
powers, and even some telepathic messages from my future self,
King Endymion. Well, hey, I needed some kind of help...nobody was
kind enough to send ME a friendly mentor cat! I had to figure out
everything as best I could. Ahhh, the mysterious Tuxedo Kamen, as
much a mystery to himself in the beginning, as to anyone else.
And that my, friends, is the ironic truth.
The memory of my actions as Tuxedo Kamen would come back to me
later, in my dreams. By the time my feelings for a sweet girl
named Tsukino Usagi had overtaken all other thoughts, it was
then, at about that same time, that I realized that my encounters
with Sailor Moon were not dreams, and that my mission was, in
part, to help Sailor Moon. Once I accepted that mission
consciously, and stopped fighting it, I had no more trouble with
the blackouts.
But I still experienced nightmares about the past I could not
remember, and the future. And as Mikata-chan had warned me, it
would be a long time yet before I would find inner peace. A long
and lonely time...but thank God, I finally found my way to my
Princess at last.
So that's all I have to say for now. From here on in, I'm going
to try to re-tell our story, as best as I can remember it....
@))~~~))~~~~
Part 1:And so, it begins....
========((=========((@
The secret of your beauty
And the mystery of your soul
I've been searching for in everyone I meet....
And if you wake up wondering
In the darkness, I'll be there
My arms will close around you
And protect you with the truth.
I know you're out there somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere....
I know I'll find you somehow
And somehow I'll return again to you.
FROM: "I Know You're Out There Somewhere"--Moody
Blues
LYRICS: Justin Hayward
@))~~~))~~~~
I don't know how in hell I
got here. One minute I was minding my own business, strolling
through the shopping district. Then suddenly, everything went
black. And when I came to consciousness, it seemed I was already
in the midst of something, at the OS . P Jewellery Boutique,
dressed as Tuxedo Kamen. The first thought in my mind, was that
SHE had summoned me. As you know, for me, there was only one
person that could be. But when I looked around me, I did not see
a princess in a shimmering white gown. What I did see was a girl
in a short white sailor-suited costume with a big red bow on the
front, wearing a gold tiara. The only thing that did look
familiar to me somehow, was the tiara.
But I do know what had brought me back from whatever dimension my
thoughts had been in. The girl was crying. Crying her eyes out,
in fact, there was something on her forehead like a gold crescent
moon, glowing with energy, and the noise.... my God! Supersonic,
shattering waves of sound! I have never, never heard anyone cry
like that before in my life...it was unearthly. That would have
brought anyone back, from the dead, I think. In a way, I was
grateful to her. I had no idea how long my blackout had lasted,
and she had brought me out of it. Scary though, I'd apparently
changed to Tuxedo Kamen, got here and become part whatever was
going on here, without remembering any of my actions.
One of those actions I still can't remember doing, apparently,
was to send a steel-tipped rose into the floor between the girl
and whatever it was that was threatening her, obviously as a
diversion, to buy time. My heart is still pounding...something
has shaken me up badly. Have I just used one of those
steel-tipped roses as a weapon, then? Must have, the evidence is
before my eyes. To think I did that, and now I no longer remember
it!
No time to deal with this right now. The girl in the sailor suit
needs my help, fast. There's someone evil here, a woman,
threatening us both--I can feel the black energy streaming from
her, with some power inside me that I don't even yet understand.
"Don't cry...you must believe in yourself...You can do it,
Sailor Moon!" I hear myself yell.
Sailor Moon? Is that what I call her? Apparently, it seems, I
already know her name..and that, that's her name. O.K.! Makes
about as much sense as anything else that's happened so far!
She's wearing a sailor suit, O.K., there's the Sailor part, and,
at least, until she stops screaming, there is something that
looks like the crescent moon on her forehead--so there's the Moon
part. Yes, this is clear to me, perfectly. Clear as mud. Oh, how
do I get myself into these situations, anyway?
I feel her fear and confusion hit me as hard as a physical blow,
from where I am standing on the window sill. I am startled at how
intensely I can feel her emotion, as though there is a
newly-formed connection between us, not clear yet, but enough for
me to be aware, this much. It's like hearing a foreign language
for the first time, and I'm getting a word, or in this case, an
emotion here and there from her.
The girl in the sailor suit is looking at me with hope in her
eyes because of what I've just said to her, words I didn't even
know I was going to say to her. God, if she only knew how much
fear and confusion I am feeling at this moment, would she look at
me with such trust? I don't know how I got here. I don't know how
I can be so aware of what she's feeling, or how it is that I know
what to say or do next. I'm at the top of the roller-coaster
here, and my stomach can sense I'm about to drop...all I can do
is hold on. I can't let on to her. I can't.
Now pull yourself together, Mamoru. SHE'S come unglued,
obviously, but you can't afford for both of you to be like this.
In that moment of clarity, as I realize, I've just GOT to be
strong, for both our sakes, I can feel all the years of hard-won
inner self-control settle over me like a mantle, covering my
bewilderment with calm concentration and focus. I will get us
through this. I don't need to understand why. I will just get us
through this.
All those thoughts flash through me in fragments of a second; I
speak, act, react instinctively. I can feel my body quivering
like a race horse at the starting gate, as if it's been waiting a
long time for just this moment. An inner voice speaks to me then,
as my mind starts to clear. She is afraid, in danger and she
needs you, the inner voice tells me. And you must be there for
her. Well, hey, I can do that. If I can just get my own head
together here, [minor miracle, that], pulling this Sailor Moon
together ought to be a cinch.
So I shut my eyes for a moment and let the next thought surface.
And surprisingly, I hear myself saying, "Look into your
heart and find the warrior within you. It is your destiny."
[It is? "Yes, it is," says my inner voice. "And
you are part of it. So stop asking questions and keep talking to
her!"]
At that moment, a black cat jumps onto Sailor Moon's head.
Seconds after the cat jumps off, I see Sailor Moon grab her tiara
and she begins to spin, holding it aloft, as if she were about to
throw a discus. Her release is perfectly timed, and I can't help
but notice her awesome balance and grace. She not only cries
spectacularly, she throws spectacularly, I think. The tiara hits
the witch dead-on, slicing right through her, and she crumbles
into dust.
But the girl with the awesome throwing arm, this Sailor Moon, is
still looking at ME in wonder, hanging on my every word, staring
at me so hard that I can feel myself blushing [and I hope she
hasn't noticed!]. I am amazed at the reaction I'm getting from
her. I've done nothing so very special or wonderful. I sense now
that I could have actively used some of my own powers on this
witch from the Dark Kingdom*, but I haven't. All I've done so
far, is create a diversion by throwing a steel-tipped rose into
the floor, to give Sailor Moon a chance to come to terms with
what's going on and do what she has to do.
[*Dark Kingdom, whazzat, you say? At this point, all I could have
told you, is that's it's a chink, a fragment of memory, suddenly
surfacing to me now...the rest of it, still buried. Yes, I really
had to try to function like that, at the time.]
And yes, I've talked to her. Sent her reassurance, confidence,
strength. But somehow, it's not just my words that are reaching
her. It's as if I'm sending some of my own energy across the room
to her. I've no idea how I'm doing this, or how I even know I'm
doing this. Yet, I feel the connection between us, like a
electric current.
Now, she's sending [telepathing] something back to me. Gone is
that fear and confusion that was inside her before. I sense a
different set of emotions being transmitted from her to me: an
indescribable warmth, a sense of her absolute confidence in me
[which I've done nothing much to deserve, so far], and her
gratitude that I'm just there, somewhere in that radiant smile
she is giving me. With those sensations she's sending to me, I
can feel my head getting clearer and clearer.
So, even though she was afraid at first, this hasn't been just a
one-way transfer, from me to Sailor Moon . It is as if she is
somehow telepathing strength back to me, too. Yes, Sailor Moon is
steadying ME too. Yet I'll swear she doesn't even know she's
doing it. I'm feeling a lot calmer now, even though I still can't
remember how I got here in the first place. The next time we
meet, I'll be able to find my feet mentally a little sooner.
[Good grief, WHAT did I just say? What next time? Is my
subconscious making plans for me now? Oh, never mind. *Sigh*]
I say a little more to her, and remarkably, just the right words to say to her seem to be welling up from my all-knowing inner voice. [The Mysterious Tuxedo Kamen? More like, the Mystified Tuxedo Kamen, truthfully. Yes, I know I've just ruined my reputation. Sorry to disillusion you.]
"You have done well, Sailor Moon." [Certainly, I mean every word of that...you were afraid, very afraid, and yet, you still found your way.] "Others will test you." [How the hell do I know that? Oh, another flash of premonition, I guess... These premonitions are hitting me fast and furious now, coming so fast, that I hardly have to assimilate them in my mind before I've said the words aloud! It's no wonder I have that roller-coaster feeling.] "Do not be afraid...I will fight WITH you!" [So, I'm coming back sometime soon, am I? Nice to know!]
I jump to the high-up window sill, my feet light as air, my head giddy with everything I'm feeling, which, as I sort it all out, is mostly a feeling of elation. How is just seeing her making me feel THIS good?
"Well, I didn't find the Silver Crystal here," I call down to her, "But I've enjoyed the show!" [Now why do I know she knows about the Crystal? But the inner voice tells me she does, she's somehow part of my quest. And yes, watching this Sailor Moon in action has been...marvellous.]
The last thing I think, as I leave, and everything goes black again, is what a lovely smile she has, this Sailor Moon. "I won't forget you, Sailor Moon," I call to her, as I leap from the window sill, and my heart is soaring.
It will be such a pleasure to be of service to her again. I hope maybe next time, I'll do something more concrete than just creating a diversion for her, and talking to her. And as I get more familiar with these powers I seem to have, both the physical and mental ones, then I ought to be able to do more. I'm going to work on that. For another one of those smiles, I would be willing to do a lot.
@))~~~))~~~~
PLEASE GO ON TO: Chapter
9, Part 2: Into The Fog
=================((====================((@
Final note: The title The Rose Garden in relation to Sailor Moon, and the fan fiction of this title, is legally copyright of Pandora Diane Waldron. If you wish to use it or quote from it on a web site, please e-mail the author for permission at pwaldron@idirect.com. Use of the material without the author's permission constitutes copyright infringement. I have never said no to anyone yet, OK?
Please e-mail me with your comments. E-mail from
our fans, please don't forget, is the only *pay* we fanfic
authors receive for our hours of effort. So please e-mail me and
tell me a little about yourself, such as what city you live in,
and your interests [i.e. Do you watch other anime besides Sailor
Moon? Do you read manga?] . I like reading comments such
as "That was really great and please write more!", but
I would love to know a little bit about you, too.
Make sure you mention the title of the fanfic [I've written more
than one!] and on what site you read it. All of you are roses in
MY garden, and I like to *see* your colours.
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